Disfuntional
by BloodOfTheBlackRose2015
Summary: They were a dysfunctional team. Dante hadn't seen his twin in a few years, and had he changed. Nero didn't know Vergil was his father. For some reason, they all were following a man named Chaos. But was he lwading them to their doom or was he really just a pawn from someone else to use? Dante/Nero.Vergil/OC T for safty. May go up. May have yoai.
1. Chapter 1

**So this story came from nowhere and I just had to write it! Give it a chance please. I prosime to make it make some sort of sense. **

**Disclaimer: I no own Devil May Cry or it's characters.**

Chapter one

Dante blinked. After completing his latest mission, he thought he'd come back to his crappy place of business to find Nero and maybe Lady and Trish. But he did _not _expect to find _his_ slightly older twin brother crashing on _his_ couch and a completely unknown man sitting at _his_ desk, in his chair, with leather boots paced on _his_ desk eating… chocolate?

And where was Nero?

Dante scanned the room, not finding any sign of the younger hunter. No emo music was blaring from headphones that he could hear, so where was he?

"If you're lookun' for the kid, he's upstairs." The blond said, popping another piece of chocolate into his mouth.

Gold amber eyes sized up the white haired man before him. He was something. And certainly Vergils twin. The smell was unmistakable. And hot…

"Is he alright?" Dante questioned pointing to his twin. He figured Nero'd be all right. The punk hated it when he worried about him. Why? He'd never know.

"Him?" The blond eyed his ever silent, ever deadly partner. "Sure. The kid went at him though. He's fine too, ya know. Sent him upstairs to sleep. Kid needs to learn how to control that anger. Gunna get him killed if he's not careful."

Nero went at Vergil? And came out alive!? He made a mental note to go check the kid after he was done with the unnamed man and his twin.

"So why's he sleeping then?" Dante asked flipping open a pizza box. Jackpot! It had pizza that was still warm. No doubt Nero's doing. If he was trying to eat his precocious pizza, then he deserved to get beaten by Vergil.

He'd need to come up with a good punishment for the kid if he ever _did_ get into _his_ pizza.

Maybe school… Yeah…

"Dunno." Was his reply. "Names Chaos by the way."

Dante nodded, mouth full of pizza. He wished he could sit at his desk, but he guessed Chaos wasn't hurting it. So instead, he grabbed the magazine that he's left on his desk hours before then proceeded to crash on the only other empty chair in the run down building of Devil May Cry.

Today was starting out weird. And for some reason, he just couldn't bring himself to care.

_**Upstairs...**_

Nero stared at the ceiling. The ever-dulling white color only stared back. He couldn't believe that some man claiming to be Dante's twin brother had beaten him without so much as batting an eyelash. And then that stupid blond had done something to him. But what it was, he didn't know.

He guessed that's what he got for trying to eat Dante's stupid pizza.

Man, his luck sucked.

Speaking of that stupid old man, Nero could've sworn he's felt Dantes demonic energy enter this shithole of a place h called a home. So why wasn't there a big fight going on? Or at lest some overly loud cussing?

'_**Curiosity killed the cat...**_' He thought with a sigh. With a grunt, he heaved himself out of his broken down bed, that litterly laid the floor, and headed downstairs. That is if someone could consider his 'bedroom' (a small walking closet near the back of the crappy building that Dante said he could have) upstairs. It was more or less just a hop over three steps, the avoidance of a million and one boxes of any sort (ranging from pizza boxes to boxes that've never been unpacked) and a short walk down a hallway.

Reaching the steps, Nero looked carefully around the half living room, half office. The blond man was currently sitting where Dante should've been sitting. The man is question was passed out in the worn chair adjacent to the wide screen TV, magazine flat over his face. And the other man was sleeping on the vanilla colored couch. The only piece of furniture that didn't go with the rest of the crappy building.

"S'up kid?" The blond said not even looking back to face Nero. Did he have eyes in the back of his head? Like Dante when it came to his stupid pizza?

No. Dante had eye on the back of his _horns_ when it came to the damm pizza. That Nero knew for a fact. Hell couldn't even stop him from getting to his pizza. Weird ass old man…

"Is he dead?" Nero asked. He didn't want to get his hopes up… but it didn't hurt to wish, did it?

"Not yet, kid" Dante chuckled tossing his magazine onto the half decent coffee table in front of him. "Keep wishing."Nero just rolled his eyes.

"So, seeing that you're not dead, they're not dead _and_ this place is still in one piece, who are they?"

"Them? I only know his name," Dante pointed to the blond man currently opening what he had counted up to, his eighth chocolate bar. "It's Chaos. And as for him," He turned to his twin. "That's Vergil. My twin brother."

Nero stared at the older hunter. His twin? How in the name of Sprada was that man Dantes twin?

Dante was hyper, stupid and if nothing else, a hazard to society. This other man, Vergil, was, from what he'd saw anyways, calm, cunning and god strong. Was he missing something?

"Oh, come on kid! Try to not look surprised. Ya tellin' me, you never picked up his scent? We do kinda share the same smell. Our blood sees to that." Dante snorted.

Nero had noticed it, but didn't want to believe it. He just couldn't believe Dante had a brother. Just couldn't.

"So does 'kid' have a name?" Chaos interjected. A coy smiled played his lips to innocently.

"Nero. That's my name."

"Well Nero," His smile only grew. "Nice to meet cha."

Why did he get the feeling he was in for a rough few days?

Vergil listened quietly from his spot on the couch. Nero… So Dante had kept to his word. Even after all these years.

So then what was Chaos after? Why had he brought him all the way from hell to see his son? He hadn't the foggiest idea. That man was a complete mistery that knew how to turn ones _own body_ against them.

He needed to warn Dante to be careful around him, but part of him knew his over rambuncous twin wouldn't listen.

He'll just have to learn the hard way then.

"Hey! Sleeping beauty's awake!" Dante laughed seeing his twin sit up.

"How can I sleep with your annoying ass around?" Was his response. Dante chuckled. Vergil wasn't one to cuss, he found that strange. What had he been through these last few years since he's seen him last? Dante couldn't even begin to imagine.

Then again, did he really want to?

"So what bring you to my humble home?" Dante smirked seeing his twin raise an eyebrow at him before shaking his head. His twin simply pointed to Chaos as a reply.

"Hell." He said around a piece of chocolate. God did he love the stuff!

"Hell?" Nero and Dante both questioned.

"Yep." He nodded. "Believe this or not," Another piece of choclate entered his mouth. "I'm from Hell. Hell's… guardian Prince we'll call it." He snorted more to himself than anything else. "You see, a high level 'prisoner' has escaped and hide himself amoung the mortals. My idea was to just destroy till I found him, but my Master and Guardians both told me not to, so plan B it is! Hence why I'm here."

"So…" Dante started. "You want me, and the kid here, to help you and Vergil hunt this 'Prisoner' down?"

"No. Just me. Vergil is only here to try and earn his life back."

"Earn?" Dante eyed his twin.

"There's legal ways to get out of Hell. This is one of them." Was all he said. He didn't even bother to look Dante in the eyes. "Another way would to go the way of the 'Prisoner' and be hunted by him." He pointed to Chaos, who only smiled.

All to innocent.

"Do either of you even know where he is?" Nero spoke up this time. Truthfully, he was a bit lost, but he wasn't about to let that show. Or he'd have to face Dante's ever annoying Dance of Knowledge.

Half of the time, he just wanted to kick Dante in the face again like time he'd first met him. That was a fun.

"The closest city to Heaven." Chaos said. Both Nero and Dante stared at him. Both equally confused.

Where and what the hell was the 'closest city to Heaven'?

**Please tell me whatcha think! Reveiws would be so nice.**


	2. Chapter 2

**This chapter is kinda weird… You do that. Write something then read it and think it's weird? Jeez…**

**Anyways…**

**Disclaimer: I no own!**

**Warning: implied yaoi and a long rant ahead.**

Chaos almost laughed at the expression on the white haired hunters. Almost. He wasn't surprised that they didn't know what he was talking about. Most people wouldn't.

"It's a hidden city up in the Forsaken Mountains." He said confusing the two hunters even more.

"But _nothing_ lives in the Forsaken Mountains. It's too damm cold! Not even _demons_ live there!" Dante pointed out. He knew this for a fact. He once had to track a demon down through those snow covered mountains, only to find it was a trick played by Trish and Lady.

""Oh, _something_ lives there. An entire tiwn. See, it the center is a ball of inactive lava. It's cut off from the rest of it's weird system, but that ball heats up a certain spot in the giant hole that the town happens to be put upon. There's even a decent sized river that they call the 'River of Life'."

"Why's that?" Nero asked. Once again, he was lost.

"Because they believe it's the reason why they live they way they do." Chaos explained. Then, seeing the blank stares of Nero and Dante, he figured he'd need to give a whole lecture on he place. "See, over 300 years ago, when the mountains didn't exist, it was the place of a grand empire. But the empire fell to war and poverty. Right next to the empire was a lake. This lake quickly became very, _very_ polluted. From where the people of this empire washed their cloths, put the ashes of their dead and the bodies of the poor who couldn't afford to be cremated. And when the war started, it became the place to dispose of the dead bodies. Not long after the war ended, a _giant_ earthquake set off a volcano of _massive_ proportions right under the lake. The water of the lake was trapped inside a bubble like structure as the mountains were formed. Just like the cut off lava ball. Anything that was in the lake quickly dissolved, became part of the water it's self. The water became water like poison. And the people who know live in this town eat and drink this stuff on a daily basis. They've come to know life as something that happens. Life and death there are one in the same. The moment a baby is born, they're fed this poisoned water. No chance to see it for what it really is. Those who live to see 20 are the luck few. By the time they're 14 or 15, they already have 6 or 8 children, hoping that they will grow up to continue their life line. When in reality, 1 out of 20 kids there grow up to see ten. _Ten_! Their religion is beyond fucked up. They sacrifice one kid each year so they'll be blessed by God. All in hopes to reach the other side the next minute afterwards. And, _of course_, about half those sods die that instant! They _live_ off poison! _Unknowingly_! Their religion is why they call it 'The Closest City to Heaven'. They believe, _with all they have_, that the moment they die, they're in _heaven_! It's the _perfect _place for a 'Prisoner' to hide out! Let him change himself once a year and _no one will ever notice or care_! And given that he's _already_ dead, he won't need to _ever _touch the poisoned water!" Chaos had to breathe. He was getting to excited and angry for his own good.

Dante wondered how people could live like that, but he guessed, if you where raised like that, would you really think much of it? Hell! They probably thought living the way he did was strange!

Then he got a funny thought.

"Would they see me as a god then? Seeind as I've lived well past my twienties?" Dante laughed.

"You've lived way past your hundreds, old man." Nero said. Dante shot him a 'fuck off' glare. Why couldn't he just let him have his happy thoughts?

"No, they wouldn't. They know about the outside world, despite the outside world not know about them." Chaos answered nonchalantly.

"Killjoy…" Dante muttered. Seeing the pizza box on the desk made him think of two things. The first was ordering pizza, the second was; "So, _say_ we go to this 'Closest City to Heaven', _how_ we'll we live? Seeing that we _can't_ eat the food there or drink the water?" Surprisingly, Vergil was the one to answer his question.

"You must die." He chuckled. A rare and evil smile played his lips. Oh, he didn't like that one bit.

"No litterly." Chaos quickly added with sigh. "You'll have to become a Guardian. Like me."

"A… Guardian?" Nero and Dante questioned.

"Uh-huh…" He hummed. "Doing this job means you agree to be a Hell Guardian. Vergil is doing this the harder way, but seeing that he was dead, this is the legal to gaining his life back."

"They didn't need to know that." Vergil grunted.

"Oh, but they did, my dear." He cooed.

"So, how do we become 'Guardians'?" Nero asked. He wasn't 100 percent sure what was going on or where they'd all be going if they agreed. But he was sure it involved dying some how.

A dark chuckle escaped Chaos's throat. Oh, this was his day! He hung his head back and closed his eyes. "Jack! Jake!" He called out with another dark chuckled.

Dante was suddenly on his guard. He'd noticed that Vergil had done the same as Chaos, which couldn't be good.

Guess his extra cheesy, meat lovers pizza pie would have to wait.

"_**Bout time you called for us.**_" A deep and dark voice echoed throughout the suddenly silent shop. Two shadowy figures, dragged in a yellow orangeish suit, appeared from the ground. Their limbs looked to be just a bit to long for their bodies, but yet they look fairly good. A black face mask cover their mouths while round shades covered their eyes. And a black top hat covered both their long black hair. They both carried scythes that, if you put them together just right, looked to form a crescent moon.

"Well, well, well. What do we have here? _Twin_ Grim Reapers?" Dante joked. "Although, I could've sworn the Grim Reaper wore black, not orange. Maybe you two are the Fall Reapers instead!" He had Ivory and Elbony drawln by this point. Both aimed at the two beings.

"Do you really have to insult every demon you come across?" Nero growled. He also had Blue Rose aimed at the two beings.

"Yes." Was his reply.

"Idiot old man."

"_**Those weapons will do you no good. They're inferior… for now.**_" The 'for now' part got Dante's interest. He fired off Ivory and watched the bullet simply go right through the being on the right. (It was the one that was talking, after all.)

"**I don't see what's sp special about Sprada's descendents…**" The other said. His voice was so much colder than the other one that Dante couldn't help but shiver a little.

"_**Does it matter?**_" The other questioned before saying, "_**Let's just get this over with.**_"

Suddenly, both Nero and Dante were surrounded by nothing but darkness.

"What the!" Nero yelled out. He couldn't move his body, his sight was fading. Where the hell did Dante go? He was right next to him a second ago, wasn't he? No, he was in the chair… on the other side of the room!

"_**Never, will you know the joys of Heaven. Your live belongs to hell. Live it well while you still have happiness left to give and receive." **_That was the last thing he heard before he hit the ground.

Dante heard a 'thud' and quickly figured it had to be Nero. He was the only on standing. He was currently stuck to his chair. For reasons he did not know.

"_**Son of Sprada… You've know a life of pain and torture. Hell is you paradise to play with. Chaos will see to it that you don't end up with ypu father…**_" What the hell was that suppose to mean? He didn't have time to question it, he blacked out.

Chaos watched his two Guardians retreat into the ground. No good-bye or anything. How rude.

"Oh Vergil…" He said in a singsong voice.

"You do it." Was his pissy reply. He reclined back against the couch and instantly regretted it. Chaos had straddled him instantly. Cracking an eye open, he glared at his blond 'partner'.

"How mean." He pouted, or tried to. "You didn't hear what I wanted."

"I've got two guesses." He sighed. "Either you wanted me to carry my idiot brother and his son to their rooms or you want to fuck me."

"I'll give you a hint." Chaos whispered against his lips before licking and biting at his low lip.

Vergil grunted turning his head away from his assulter. For all he cared, Chaos could go fuck himself. Or Dante. Wait…

"Why don't you go fuck Dante?' He inquired staring at his past out twin. "You've told me before that you wanted to."

"All in good time, My sweet." Chaos purred in his ear before sucking at his neck, earning a low moan from the white hair man under him. He smirked in satisfaction before biting down on the same spot.

"Fuck! Quite that!" Vergil pushed his assaulter away.

"Oh, you're no fun." He sighed. He settled for just laying on Vergil instead.

"Whatever." He snorted letting his arm rest over Chaos's side. He knew that if Chaos really wanted sex, he'd be tried up and screaming by now.

The room fell to silence as Chaos simply drew pointless designs against Vergil shirt.

"You should order a pizza." Vergil said out of the blue.

"Why?"

"So Dante won't be pissed when he wakes up." Vergil answered. "I've got nothing for the kid."

"Ah…" Chaos nodded. "What kind?"

"Extra chessy meat lovers pizza."

**Shouldn't Vergil know what Dante likes? They're twins after all! Dante should know what Vergil like… And as for the 'closest city to heaven' thing, I've played to much Lost Odyssey. 0_o**

**Tell me whatcha think.**


	3. Chapter 3

Dante sat up in a rush. The smell of melted cheese and cooked ham, pepperoni and bacon flooded his nose. Someone had pizza.

"See? Told you he'd wake right up." He heard Vergil say. His twin had the remote and was currently flipping through the TV channels. But that was unimportant.

Scanning the room, his eyes landed on a giant white box label 'Pizza'. He was on it in the instant.

"Jeez. Eat much?" Chaos snorted shaking his head making dure his feet went assaulted while the man tore open the box to get to his pizza.

Oh, did the gods love him or what? Extra chessy meat lovers pizza. With _lots_ of meat. He quickly had two pieces gone and was working an the third when he remember what the blond had done who know how long ago,

"Did you buy this?" He asked.

"Yes." Chaos nodded.

"Then all is forgiven." He said finishing off the piece an went to get a fourth. He heard Vergil snort form the couch. "The kid won't be as forgiving though."

"I know." Speaking of whom, Chaos turned slightly in the chair to see the youngest person in the room laid out on the floor next to the stairs. Hopefully, he'd stay like that for a while.

"Tell me," Chaos said grabbing Dantes attention. "You see this?" He held out his hand that was currently holding a sword.

Dante studied the sword. It was black in color. Blacker than midnight with no clouds or a moon. A white cloth covered its hilt and it was missing a guard. "Yeah." He nodded. "It's a sword."

"Then it worked." Chaos smiled. _What_?

"Wait? Am I…" He didn't _want_ to finish his sentence.

"No. Least, not yet." Chaos said.

"So? What exactly did those being do?"

"You mean Jack and Jake? They opened your soul to the afterlife."

"_Afterlife?_'

Vergil was starting to get annoyed by his brothers stupidity. "You're half dead! Your soul was removed from your body then shoved back in your body! You can now see the dead that still walk this earth! You will not die of natural inflictions such as colds. Poisons won't affect you! And you're an idiot!"

"I love you too, Verge." Dante said eating a sixth piece of pizza. He'd just realized there were _three_ boxes! Jackpot!

"Idiot."

"Understand?" Chaos asked. Dante just nodded, mouth full of pizza. "Great. We'll leave tomorrow morning. I know a lovely little way to get to our destination." Dante grabbed the boxes, walked to the couch, crashed next to Vergil and placed the boxes on the coffee table.

"Whatcha watchin, bro?"

"Porn. It seems to be the only thing this TV gets." Vergil sighed listening to his twin laugh. "Idiot."

Oh, just how disfunctional can this team be?

Nero groaned. A loud crash had woke him up. He blinked, looked around the crappy room and quickly found Dante laughing his ass off bring held up by his twin, not amused in the slightest, and Chaos simply shook his head.

Why did this seem to normal? Minus Trish and Lady?

"Come on Verge? Show some brotherly love!" Dante laughed trying to make a kissy face. So that's what the problem was? He wanted a kiss… from his brother?

Nero was confused, again.

"A kiss is one thing. But trying to make out with me will get you killed. Got that?" Vergil hissed holding Dante even higher.

'Got it. Got it." Dante laughed again. Vergil dropped him and walked to the out of place couch. Porn on the TV. "Hey Kid! You're awake. Bout time. Though you missed out on the fun."

"From what I just saw, I'm more glad I was out cold." Nero said getting up. Sleeping on the crappy hardwood floor, not a good idea.

"Yo, Nero! You see this sword?" Chaos asked holding up his word.

"Yeah. Why?'

"No reason." He smiled. He had chocolate to eat.

What the hell was wrong with this place?

"Best get some rest, everyone," Chaos chuckled. "Tomorrow, we'll be very, very far from here."

"Verge, you can sleep with me!" Dante said jumping over the couch and grapping his twin.

"No. I'll sleep here, on the couch." Vergil said pushing his twin onto the ground.

"Aw…"

Nero simply shook his head. He'd had a crappy day and, truthfully, he didn't really care anymore. Being beaten by a weird Dante twin, being controlled somehow, then being knocked by some weird ass beings…

Man, his luck sucked.

"Kid! Where you going?" Dante yelled after him as he hopped the three steps and disappeared around the corner of boxes.

"To bed!" Was all he got.

"Which is where you should go." Vergil said.

"No! This is my house, shop…mine!" Dante pouted. He watched Vergil get that evil smirk again.

"Maybe you should convince him otherwise, Chaos?"

"Sure." Suddenly, golden orbs were inches from blue orbs.

"Whatcha gunna do, blonde?" Dante jested.

"Me? Nothing. But you," He chuckled. Tan fingers pasted in between their faces and he only chuckled more as Dante followed the fingers like a dog watching a treat. "You're gunna go to bed and be ready to get going in the morning."

"What… the… hell… are you… doing?" Dante managed.

"Mind control. Like I said, I'm Hells Prince. I do as I please." Chaos chuckled. "Now. Bed. I want Vergil tonight."

Dante quickly got the idea. And found himself walking towards to stairs.

"Night, bro." He heard Vergil chuckle.

Chaos watched Dante vanish up the steps before he had Vergil under him.

"Now," He started, licking at Vergils lips. "You gunna be difficult or not?" A light bite to his bottom lip and Vergil opened his mouth and let Chaos slide his tongue in. The familiar taste of chocolate made him chuckle. "What's so funny?"

"You always taste chocolate."

Chaos chose not to reply. Instead, he just went back to kissing him. Vergil tasted sweet. Like candy. Sweet.

"Best we get some sleep."

"Whatever you say."

DMC~~~

Dante wanted to laugh. Vergil was cuddling. _Cuddling_! He never cuddled. _Anything_! Not their pet cat. Not even him when he happened to crawl into Verges bed when he had a bad dream! So see his twin, with his hair all down and sniggled close to the mind controlling blond that was eating chocolate. (Though, where he kept getting it from was a complete mystery for Dante. The only food in the shop was pizza. And beer.)

Nero looked from the two on the couch to Dantes trying and failing of not laughing figure. Sometimes, he thought the old man was insane.

"Dante. Fuck off." He heard Vergil mutter.

"Morning, bro." Dante laughed.

Nero blinked at the elder twin sat up. Damm, did they look alike. If they wore the same cloths and tried to act the same, no one could tell 'em apart.

"Now that we're all awake, put this on." Chaos tossed three amulets in the air. Slightly amused as Dante and Vergil went for the same one. (Vergil got to it first.)

"What is it?" Nero questioned.

"A travel necklace." Chaos answered watching Vergil pull his hair into place.

"Travel… necklace?"


End file.
